Imagine this:

You allowed someone to live in your home, you don’t know why you hadn’t noticed, but all of a sudden you look around and the floor is broken, the paint is peeling off, there is dust everywhere. you look around and your house is dirty and everything is out of place. For some reason you decide that you can work with that and keep on living in that house. What Do you do? Do you simply live there among the mess, or do you take time to little by little rebuild the place you call home?

I’m guessing the answer to that is pretty simple, if you decided to stay it is because you have also decided to rebuild. That is how forgiveness works.

Forgiving is not the goal, forgiveness is the starting point. This applies to every relationship in life, but most importantly to your relationship with yourself. There are so many things we must forgive ourselves for in order to have healthy relationships, but forgiving ourselves simply lights the way to a path of hard work. I’ve seen this first hand in my marriage. For 5 years I thought forgiveness was the goal.

Forgive and forget, no? NO.

After we hurt someone, after we hurt ourselves, it is vital that we go to the root of it. Why did I allow it? What role did I play? What did I ignore to avoid confrontation? How do we grow from this? Forgive and forget is putting a band-aid on a deep wound and expecting it to heal. Odds are it will get infected and you’ll contaminate every relationship, and destroy yourself in the process. Suddenly you find yourself being a broken home. Your heart is broken, your emotions peeling off, dust everywhere… What is there to do?

Forgive and learn.

Forgive and communicate.

Forgive and rebuild.

Forgive and continue…

We fail, the people we love fail, so we forgive. We cry when we need it and we rebuild. People are not disposable, it takes courage, love and a whole lot of forgiveness to build strong, healthy relationships but at the end of it all that’s what life is all about: strong and healthy relationships. You could have the world at your feet and it means nothing without someone to share it with…

Take time to meditate on things you have to forgive yourself for, things you have to ask for forgiveness and things you have to forgive even if no one comes to ask you for it…

Forgiveness is not the goal, its part of our everyday journey. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean to continue walking together. Sometimes you have to forgive, let go and rebuild your relationship with yourself. Sometimes you forgive, hold on tighter and come back together, stronger. We might not know every step, but forgive and the next step will unravel… Forgiving is the first step towards healing.

Forgive and learn. Forgive and communicate. Forgive and rebuild. Forgive and continue…

See you in the letters,

Bianca Paola

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